it slides down the stomach
ranges from one green to hundreds of greens
sweat and effort are used
the water makes the travel easier
it takes longer to make then use
leave some green on the table

Welcome
Hello
Good bye

such short meetings seem to have little effect
but its the memories of those loved ones
that keep everyone alive
dwell on the past
remember the times that made you smile
life moves by really quickly
sometimes we are lucky and get to live with those that are near and dear
others are stripped of that luck
Do not let the time you spend with someone affect your feelings about them
you know if they deserve your love
and if they do
give it to them
never hold back

I lie in bed wanting to fall asleep
always wanting
but i cant
there is something stopping me
i listen attentively
i can hear voices
in the den maybe?
they are shouting
i listen with more intent
what is keeping them up at 3 in the morning?
they are in a fight
the girl is yelling
the guy i suppose is listening
"I DONT CARE ALL YOU DO IS PAY ATTENTION TO OTHER WOMEN"
i cant help but notice that as guys
we want more than one woman in our life
always wanting
but like me we are stuck lying in bed waiting to fall asleep
waiting

The taste lingered in my mouth
The song rings in my ears
You can watch the clock and time seemingly stands still
Or you can wake up each day and act like a machine
and then 4 months will just be gone
the taste lingered
the song rings
day in day out
Rinse repeat
Why look back
because when you look back you can be sure
you control your emotions
if you look for something
you'll find it
What do you look for?

Ever met someone that you don't have much time to spend with
But they definitely have an impact on your life.
People like her don't come often or sometimes even more than once
A smile that can light me up
A free spirit
There for the longest time has been an impenetrable wall around my feelings
Ask anyone
They struggle to get in and few are there
She made it in within days
and now ive looked in my castle
we are unprotected
The wall is broken in many places
Does it matter what she does
Does it matter that we share the same destructive habbit
I doubt it
What we do, does not make us
There is a lot to be learned in life
Now we just have to let ourselves go

And the end came every so slowly approaching
Anti climactic as always
Shall the days ahead renew the process
A new start
The same goal
And then for some people
They rinse and repeat for another set of four years
Times come when everything finally seems to be worth it
And so on this day everything was worth it
That formal name and that little piece of paper mean so much
Time to move on
Time well spent
or time wasted
All i know is that time is never on my side

Trust the brain for it is smarter than the heart
feel not
just let the idea bounce around in the mind
for it knows how to handle things
emotions only slow things down,
get in the way,
hurt
Feelings suffocate
walking by that special person
can stop the heart
but the brain keeps working
no one can stop the brain but yourself
never let anyone control you
never give yourself 100% to someone
the brain tells me this

It itched like no other
Such a harmless plant
lies!
scratch until it bleeds
Bad habits are hard to break
they die even harder
Each time this parasite gets worse
scratch until it bleeds
in the game of life
its definitely survival of the fittest
everyone dissapoints because in the final hour
when their blood is called in to question
they save their own skin
and take anything down that is in the way
Humans conquered
But were the most animalistic species
scratch until it bleeds
throw money on the fire
poison ourselves
fighting solves everything
carry a big enough stick and they will back down
scratch until it bleeds
wounded and scarred are many
how does this end?

staring into the distance leads to a lost beginning
opportunities come around daily
it's hard to lose sight of future
but the present matters
the past brings memories
but not shame

Time behaves awkwardly
And humans respond awkwardly to different situations depending upon time
When there is plenty of time
It seems to pass quickly and nothing matters
But when the time clicks away and there are minutes and seconds left
Everything just seems to cram right in
People say they will do something
In that last minute they make a lot of promises
claims they want to be true
feelings they had but never acted on
And then they are given more time and they are oblivious again
Time behaves awkwardly
Humans behave even more awkwardly

to see the world in shades
of pain
allow those to strive
while others lie
recognize the true talent
that is inside of everyone
realize the dream
quench the thirst
open the gates
the key is there
wait on nothing

can you hear that
it's calling
welcome the voice
please yourself
question everything
answer to no one
scream shout
sit stand
fulfill nothing
complete nothing
deny the shadows
of others
stand alone
live together

recall the feelings
remember the moments
blood
sweat
tears
life is a puzzle
the path unknown
the answers hidden
reflect
never regret
recall the feelings

Fill the gaps.
Time stands alone.
Time stands still.
The world keeps spinning.
He doesn't know who you are
But you can hate him anyways.
Fill the gaps
What don't you know
We don't know nothing
Nothing means everything to us
existence causes death
life always ends in nothingness
black.

Howd we end up like this
It’s just crazy that
Unchecked decisions shake the foundations
Of something that’s never been done before
300 years of “perfection”
The people’s war has rebounded
Now we try to redo the acts of our 60-70’s brothers
Its only time until extreme actions hit us from within
Then where will the war on terror exist
That’s right it will be under our nose
Who says were right?
Questions spin around but one thing if for sure
Our dynasty won’t last

She told me to grip hard
as i did they turned blue and became more visible
my hand lost color
like butter it slide into my skin
the tube filled with blood
she told me to let go
she told me id feel a pinch
she told me that i had to wait and let it clot
i listened
we all listen
we are brainwashed

The difference between sound and noise
The similarities of singing and screaming
Both express oneself
He screams
She sings
He sings
She screams
the rhythm makes music everything it is
As the noise travels
its interpreted as sound
The crowd shakes and slides
Everyone in their own little world
Everyone sings along to their favorite lyrics
Music is my escape

The black controls the top part
It has fuzzy edges and the middle of it is so vacant
the black stares at me
he stares at me
wide open smile
I look into his eyes
He knows something
he has seen the horror of war
it leaves a mark on the man
the way he walks talks and acts have all been effected
I look into his eyes
and see death
hes watched a mother bury her son
a burden no one should bare
hes seen the life taken from a young one
there is no reset
or game over
its real

Believe in me and you will see the pain and suffer that begins with in an instant. Life moves to quickly but its the longest thing we do. trying means nothing. feeling nothing means just that you wont get hurt but you wont enjoy yourself either. Ive been holding on to this dumb wall for so long to prevent the fear of the inevitable. Some of those who get close will burn you. But regardless the others will build you back up again. life isnt a task meant to be done alone otherwise there wouldn't be 6 billion of us mother fuckers. Wear the chips on your shoulders proudly and for fuck sake never change who you are for someone.

Sheltered From tornadoes
like that matters
Sheltered from hurricanes
again pointless
Sheltered from earthquakes, volcanoes, lava
Sheltered from dinosaurs
Sheltered is pointless all of it
Live life with no regrets
but if you shelter yourself
your not living life
and then you must regret

Like twins they lie there patiently
as sunlight dances around his face they begin to open
split down the middle these night covers slip away
the circles appear and take in the surroundings
the body moves like a zombie
stumbling and at a loss as to what is happening
a stupor is bestowed on him
but the eyes know best

Green blackened by the fire
I walk around
Do you here that
I think it was footsteps
Nope it was actually silent
Time begins to skip
Or stop?
Not sure but its definitely not normal
Eyes strain to focus but in the focused area everything is brighter
more detailed
The shadows and edges blur
The laughter consumes to the point of which breathing and laughter are simultaneous
The voices whisper in the head
Did it speak
Or are they voices in the head
Senses are heightened
Eating tastes like a mouth orgasm
Especially tropical skittles
Taste the rainbow
the food keeps flowing
until the stomach swells
then the drowsiness kicks in
the eyes begin the slide together
until everything turns to black

Everything is so complicated
But this is so simple
it starts with a spark a flicker
it spreads to everything
it drains the living from what it touches
it grows uncontrollably
i stare blankly, memorized by its power
red yellow orange
it flickers and dances in the dark
during the day it hazes the blue sky
i envy the flame
fire

The shadows have reclaimed the earth
the blood has filled the waters
the poison has smothered the air
and then the earth was turned upside down
The sun struck the earth
the blood dissipated from the water
and the air was cleaned
You have the power to make that happen
Flip the world
Change the future
all it takes
is to let the sunshine come through

A simple gesture
The grip
does it really reveal a man's character
yes it does
that first eye contact and that simple shake of a hand
lets the other person know more than they can in a single night
a picture says a thousand words
a handshake says a thousand and one words

These five things
One is not like the other
it opposes the main four
They run ever so slowly over
in order to interpret
They function on their own
they receive commands from the all knowing purple worms
but they can just simply ignore them
no five things are alike
the lines are all different
yet they share the same ability
they enable a single sense
Of the five senses
no one alone creates a positive experience
combine them together
and they create magic
combine four fingers and a thumb
the hand creates magic
the power of five
the blind man weeps
the deaf man listens
the mute screams
the paralyzed feels
the tongueless tastes
Everyone finds a way around the obstacles life hands them
Sometimes the road we walk has a lot of curves
But nothing can break the human spirit
Even if dolphins are smarter than us

Hopefully this goes unread

The power of words are limitless. Unfortunately I do not put time into what I say. I do not filter myself. I assume that people will understand what I mean and interpret things the way I do. Which is never the case. Life would be to simple that way.

I didn't expect to write here. But it seems that things are on my mind. I saw terminator salvation today. Meh. Movies and tv shows seem to never end now adays. They just want to produce more and more. Why not fucking come up with another idea. Are we that dumb. Have we lost all sense of creativity that it is necessary to repeat the same concept for enterinity. If you say your going to quit then fucking do it. Scrubs. WTF. Have the balls to stick with your original word. Do not be pussys and decide that your going to reair a show that had its series finale.

What has the world come to.

I leave for new york in two days. I think I will enjoy my time with the neuroradiologist. They share my habitat. dark rooms late hours and staring into computer screens. As a rational person i usually justify my decisions with logic. But I was asked at dinner today why duke? and i struggled to find the logical reason but could answer with one from the heart. I guess thats the reason we have a heart and a brain. Although i only trust one of those organs.

That should be enough rambling and nonsense to appease my need to rant/vent and just talk to myself

Tracking

Day 1 no one has found me